Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
