I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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