So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
