Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
