Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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