I hate your face
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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