I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
