She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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