Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
