apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
