i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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