I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
