who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
