just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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