But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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