That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
