I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
