So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
