where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
