I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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