when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize