On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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