that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
