I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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