I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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