Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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