just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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