lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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