Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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