I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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