Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
