My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
