at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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