i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
