I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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