i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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