Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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