i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize