is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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