the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
