he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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