Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize