you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
