i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
