Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
