dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
