Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
