I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
