he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
