Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
