My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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