True but thats because hes a fetus.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
