how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
