just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
