Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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