fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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