So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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