Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
