He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
