Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
