I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
