My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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