Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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