This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
