Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You made out with two different species that night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
