Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
