Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize