I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You ruined the universe
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
