all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
